A reflection of my Class at half-time

Often my day starts with five people, Josep...look, I'm not in heaven yet alright? (If you're thinking of the Mitch Albom book). Ok back to the point I had digressed from right at the start.

My day starts with five people I meet in the CLASSROOM, and they are Joseph, Geoffrey, Enghan, Shanghai, and Leon. Occasionally Leon can be ommited, but I'm usually the one who comes later than him. After that BenLow would come into the classroom.

But it doesn't increase much. After assembly, the class would often have about 20 people, compared to the original 28. Look, some people have already quit this class before it even started - in 2007, we were supposed to have 28, but apparently this guy went to the Sports School. Just goes to show how many talented people this class has. But anyway LiYoung joined in last year, so we were back to 28.

I decided to think over it - about our falling grades and low attendance. Could the immense talent potential in this class be the reason? Let's see, we have musicians, artists, poets, thinkers, actors, scripwriters, stage managers in this class.

How can they expect us to excel in the Sciences? Of course they can, there are people who can handle about the Arts and Sciences, realistically speaking. Now these guys are the actual all-rounded Rafflesians. Let's take a look at Index No. 1. Squash player, class goalkeeper, scriptwriter, and 3.6GPAyer. All-rounded Rafflesian.

I'm definitely not an all-rounded Rafflesian, after all this talk. Maybe I am. I'm a chamber musician and pianist, class utility man who doesn't make it to the bench mostly because of music duties, and a above 2 below 3 above 2.5 GPAyer. Looks good enough. I'll mark myself with a B. (index number one being an Aplus.)

Then there's the character part but that one makes life so difficult so I'll skip it, because human life's about making things a little easier for ourselves, one step at a time.

Back to the class population. Of course there comes a time when one gets sick, and when there are unforeseen circumstances, like getting knocked down by a truck, or running in front of a locomotive. So that can be forgiven.

Then there are those who are disgruntled with the school education system, and decide to go MIA for three weeks, which is enough to turn Shide into Byap and Byap into Shide.

Of course there are people who are selectively healthy, an idea which I had taken from Nigel. Being sick for school and suddenly healthy for CCAs or Extra Programmes after school. Which I've nothing against, although I'm not planning to embark on being selectively healthy for the next term, and the term after the next, and subsequently till NS.

And when you have early people like Joseph, Enghan, Shanghai, Geoffrey, Leon and I, or Leon and Benlow, and I, you always have the late people like...! Never mind. My keyboard has reached the end of its warranty period so I'm not going to risk it.

That said we've got people being late for assembly, and we really look like an extraneous group of people that belong to both 4K and 4M. At the lowest, we number around fifteen, just standing in scattered columns, waiting for the late comers to fill in the gaps. But they never do, so we just clump up all in front. Which makes the row look very small.

But I love the class camaraderie. And it is this that matters most to me!

I mean, those around me, love these guys. (as in not romantic love [duh], just really nice people) I probably exude lots of charisma.

Hope my ego doesn't suffocate you. :)

Why girls like jerks - Monday Munching

Ok something recently ticked me off (Jonathan gets ticked off? I thought he was mostly a nice guy [who daos sometimes] who doesn't get pissed very often.) Yes it's still true, I don't get pissed very often. Maybe once every 2 months.

And it never lasts for more than a few hours! No one is worth to be so pissing that he takes up a few hours of my life to grumble over.

Here's the article that accompanies this post: Why girls like jerks

[Ok before I start I just googled it while mulling over this matter and immediately saw an article on it. Or rather, several articles on it. I went straight for the jugular, and got to AskMen.com. I wish there was a AskGuysfrom11-20.com or something but that was the only available and cool-looking link I got.)

The only reason I decided to post this article was because I found it a food-for-thought. I do not support any of the statements there (read an important line on 8 December 2007), because when one's got food, share it! So here I am sharing with all you girls and guys.




Here are some snippets from:

__________________________________________________

There seems to be a mystery among the male species, besides their unending quest of trying to figure women out. Why is it that the nice guys always seem to be single while jerks are the ones whose little black books get filled with magical numbers? It seems to go backwards, doesn't it?


There must be more out there to justify why women are left crying their eyes out because their boyfriends hurt them once again. And of course, the girl goes back to the bad boy, while the sweet boy is left in the corner of the bar dipping his olives in and out of his martini. Yes Curt, you are right; in order for a man to develop a backbone and become more of a bad boy, in the hopes of attracting more women, he does have to be badly hurt once. However, there is a lot more to it than that. Observe.self-esteem goes a long wayIt doesn't take a dozen self-help books and men's magazines to tell you how important self-esteem is when it comes to relationships and behavior. When it comes down to the enigma of the sweet girl and the bad boy, the man isn't the only one plagued by low self-esteem. The union of this couple can be blamed on lack of self-confidence where both parties are concerned.

There are many reasons why men are jerks to begin with. First, they can simply be born to fit the character and their loser behavior can be blamed purely on a genetic disaster and negative social environment. If we have a problem, we'll just have to take it up with his DNA. The second reason can be what Curt was referring to; the nice guy turns bad boy because of heartache. In this case, the guy becomes a jerk because he's been burned in the past and doesn't want this to happen again.

The third reason is the major one, partly related to reason number two; he simply has no self-esteem. This poor man needs to act like a jerk to cover up his lack of confidence. It's a sad, sad case. Ironically, most people would think that he is a jerk because he has too much confidence (this could also be the case), but this is where we are fooled most of the time. We can't imagine that this jerk actually has a low self-esteem because he is so insensitive towards everyone around him.

Not only is he a jerk, he is also a great actor. His bad boy demeanor is his shield; the weapon that gives the illusion of confidence. But most importantly, it ensures that he will never get hurt. His snide remarks and sarcasm are used as defense mechanisms, kind of how a skunk releases a stench to ward off those who may be a threat.

I still stand by the fact that the woman who falls for the jerk is most likely to suffer from low self-esteem, but there could be another very important reason. In case men haven't noticed, women love playing the role of the relationship therapist. That's right, some women would do anything just to have the chance to get others to pour out their troubles, while they attribute most problems to an Oedipal pre-adolescent complex. Most women love to know that they're the ones who discovered the solution to their boyfriends' problems and, in turn, healed them (so to speak).


To do this, they need a troubled soul to lie down in that leather couch; the jerk boyfriend. Most girls love to know that they "fixed" their jerk boyfriend. He was once a bad boy, but now he is a sweetheart and he's a changed man, all thanks to her. Yes, this is the challenge most women enjoy seeking, an incredible feat where they claim to have turned a lost soul around. If a man was perfect to begin with, what would be so exciting in the relationship? Women would be bored and they would probably have to create non-existent problems in the relationship to spruce things up a little.

______________________________________________

Back to Jonathan Shin. Of course, we don't know what's on women's minds, but this is as much as we guys have guessed, all placed right in front of us. It's up to the girls to argue and say whay they think of the article.


AND THEN, I backtracked. I realised all these originated from an uber cool article called 'Nice Guys finish Last'.

Here it is:

_____________________________________________

A wise man once told me, "As a man, you have to die once in order to live." I never fully appreciated his advice, nor did I understand it until I experienced it firsthand. From that time on, I understood the origins of the Jerk vs. Nice Guy battle.

There must be more out there to justify why women are left crying their eyes out because their boyfriends hurt them once again. And of course, the girl goes back to the bad boy, while the sweet boy is left in the corner of the bar dipping his olives in and out of his martini. Yes Curt, you are right; in order for a man to develop a backbone and become more of a bad boy, in the hopes of attracting more women, he does have to be badly hurt once. However, there is a lot more to it than that. Observe.


The only problem with being the nice guy is that you also become the boring, predictable guy. The excitement of the seduction process begins to fade for the woman because she has what she wants and doesn't have to do any chasing. Eventually the woman starts losing interest and before you know it, her eyes start to wander.

In the end, she'll look for a new man who will bring excitement back into her life by being the "new and improved" challenge. Pursuit and excitement usually stem from selfish attitudes, much like the bad boy who doesn't care about anyone but himself. The nice guy will be left heartbroken and will start wondering what in the world he did wrong.

It's at this point that men begin to realize that most women generally don't know what they want from us. Evidently, being the nice guy certainly doesn't help. The conclusion of the aforementioned scenario? The death of the nice guy persona. So that's the life and death of the nice guy and, as a result, "Mr. Nice" is resurrected into "Mr. Jerk".



Eventually (often quite quickly), these nice guys will realize what type of man women actually want. The result is something that snaps inside of them as they begin to mimic the jerks that most women seem to pursue incessantly.

To become that kind of man, the charade must be taken to the extreme, which involves acting like a selfish person that has no regard for other people's feelings. This amounts to a jerk that will say anything to get a woman into bed. The jerk will furnish her with tons of roller coaster emotions and once he has sex with her, he'll dump her. Why? Because he feels vengeful and wants to burn women the same way he was burned. Remember; once you get burned, don't STOP playing with fire -- you TAME the flame.

So when women inadvertently give life to these jerks, they are really shooting themselves in the feet. That's the life and legacy of jerks everywhere.

FOR NICE GUYS

If nice guys are what women really want, then why is it that most nice guys are single? Why is it that we constantly hear stories about women dating big jerks that took them for a ride -- literally?

The fact is that women generally don't want nice guys, or maybe they're too busy chasing after jerks to realize that they do. Why? Because women act on impulse and emotion rather than fact. Who do you suppose brings out these same irrepressible emotions in women? The jerks, of course.

So what does this all add up to? No one wants to get hurt, but in the same instance, no one wants to be perceived as a jerk either. That is why it's important to have a balanced attitude towards relationships. A man has to be able to court a woman, amuse her and excite her while continuously remaining a challenge.

In other words, be nice to women, but remember who comes first in life; you, your irreplaceable family and friends, and then your woman. By following my theory, women will constantly be in hot pursuit. If you would like a female's opinion regarding this matter, go see The Jerk Appeal.



________________________________________________________

THE END - I hope I'm not a jerk now for posting this. Maybe I am a jerk. Or am I a nice guy? Or should I just not talk to any girls...

First-time things, stupid things

Evening brothers and sisters, today I bring you the word of how stupid and gullible I can become.

You see brothers and sisters, sometimes we go into moments of stupidity, where we do not notice what we have done and then we pay for the consequences later. Just like what happened today, and another incident I recall that happened last year in New York.

So today Dr Hecht, my dad and I went shopping for cooking utensils - you name, we shopped it. We went to look for pots and pans, ovens, toasters, and steam cookers. And well you know sometimes guys do get bored when guys aren't given anything to play with or look at, and I am a guy. The uncles were looking at prices and looking at the equipments, while I sat down at a nearby counter. And then I saw the knife section.

I walked away immediately, thinking of how dangerous knives could be.

No, knives were dangerous, if one of them dropped somewhere you didn't want them to drop, you would be doomed. Just like how I was cutting stuff with a penknife two years ago when it suddenly decided to aim for a terrible direction. Didn't know I had a sentient penknife...

But then I thought, look, I've never known the sharpness of a knife and so I decided to walk over and...

I awoke two hours later. Just kidding. Then there was a slight cut on my thumb, and I could see the flesh underneath my skin. Alright, so this is how a cut feels like - a sharp stinging pain and a withdrawal, and then a triumphant immature smile to the entire world that one has actually survived a cut from a knife!

Unfortunately they didn't stock up much on the champagne, so I didn't get to celebrate.

And in-case you're wondering what happened in New York, I was gullible enough to fall for the words of a Secondary 1. I'm too trusting man...but since then I've become more realistic. I've moved on to knives for the moment. Next time I'll get to experience how a grenade feels like, but that will be in two years time. And four years later I'll go for a car. And...oh wait will I survive from the grenade?

Let us remember the words that there are things that should never have a first-time, like drugs, smoking, and cutting oneself with a knife out of pure curiosity.

But today, there was another first time - exploring.

On my way to tuition at 5, I decided to tell my dad to stop at a meadow around Thompson Road. The place was about 600m big, enough for me to explore around. So this large meadow had trees, holes, hills, statues, birds, insects, and old gates. And it was around 4.15pm, and the grass was damp and fresh-smelling.

And of course, this place is accesible to ALL Rafflesians coming in front Lornie Road passing Mt. Alvernia Hospital and over the bridge, before turning right in the morning to Moulmein road and the fire station and finally reaching Raffles Institution. If you're at the traffic light before turning right, simply look to your left and you'll see a meadow with a couple of stumps and trees and rocks.

I started my journey with hesitation, particularly because I didn't want my shoes to get all wet. And then I started to trudge uphill, when I chanced upon rocky ground, and proceeded to kick some rocks around. Suddenly I saw a small person about 12:1 in size. And then...he just disappeared. We'll forget about that part.

So anyway I marched uphill, and I came upon a small hole! There wasn't anything in the hole, but I believed it went some distance because it looked pretty deep to me from above ground.

I wanted to put my camera phone in front of the hole and take a flash photo, but sometimes its not worth going for the first time because you never know what you'll see in the brightness. So I took a photo from afar and placed a Kopitiam card beside the hole for scale purposes.

The only reason you can't see the photos now is because I'm lazy enough not to take out the cable. But RI guys who want to see the photos can come forward and beg me for the photos.

So I passed the hole and lo and behole, I mean behold, I saw a rare bird that was blue in colour, had a long beak, and produced the chirp of the most beautiful quality. I took a photo of it, and it immediately proved that Fiona was right about the macro shots - the bird was stunning. Unfortunately I just looked at it again and it looked pretty grainy. Sometimes Nokia pisses the nicest guys off. And girls too.

Uphill I went until I came to the edge of the outer forest that surrounds MacRitchie Reservoir. To the left was a huge slope that led to the green soft-metal barriers
below to a row of terrace houses belonging to ang-mohs. There was a huge 'crater' between these green gate-barriers (those common ones found everywhere lah) and the houses.

And in the middle of the grassy 'crater' was a tree, a huge tree that had its crown to my waist. I definitely couldn't reach the tree, since it was beyond the green barriers, but it looked like a good spot to lie under and take a short nap.

To my right was an apartment that was roughly 20 stories high, and it was protected by the green barriers (not the same one, but the same type). Of course, with rain and metal reacting, you'll never fail to see a few collaspes of these barriers. And coincedentally there was a gap! I went over this small hill and on this small hill was the barrier, and I crossed over it into this new piece of protected land.

I was hoping there weren't any dogs around to sniff my honey fragrance, because if there were, I wouldn't be here typing. I would probably be gloating over how I beat up those dogs and sent them back to their houses whimpering. No! I don't beat up dogs, because I'm a nice guy, In fact, I love (both) dogs (and cats :) yes Dr Hecht).

So I walked around, but it was so boring because there were no trees, just a huge looming building that was old with age. Nearly 30 years old. I hope they knock it down soon, because this building's really too old. We just need someone to accidently fall down at the void deck and the whole place would probably cave in or something.

I made my way back, and accidently fell into a concrete empty space for vehicles that were delivering things. What an ulu place - if you were wondering how was this possible, it's because I had been going uphill, so much so that they could build a small space for trucks to reverse into at the side of the hill. One more step forward and I would have fell into this cavity and get locked in.

Anyway my shoes were getting wet enough, because I was walking in damp grass that was deep and long. On my way back, I looked at some of the trees, and spotted some statues that were of Buddhist origins. Of course, Buddhists believe that some people who pass on take into forms of trees and bushes, so next time before you decide you need to pee at a tree root, think twice! You may just wake up the next morning to find that you've got an extra limb that has gone MIA!

I made my way back to the car, and the exploring was over. My first time exploring in Singapore all alone!

Just remember, don't do anything stupid, my brothers and sisters! If you're planning to do something for the first time, always ask someone who's experienced, let's say if you're wondering how a grenade feels like, then you can ask the....

Founder's Day simply never fails

Founder's Day never fails to make people like me go depressed. You see, the main part of Founder's Day lies only in the prize-giving ceremony, and even dignitaries like Mr. K Shanmugan (Singapore's Law Minister) who came over to grace the ceremony was hardly given any notice.

Well I admit I was giving him some notice, since he was the only other person who didn't had this effect of putting me to shame with my lack of awards. As with the other people around me.

Then there were those who went for multiple appearance, people like Barry Tng, Nigel Fong, Paul Tern. Even Theophilus Kwek was on the list! Which isn't much of a surprise.

So Mr. Shanmugan started off with some jokes to lighten the mood, which was already filled with much festivity considering how we sang the Founder's Day song with much aplomb and with heartiness. And then there was the competition at the end between the JC1 Rafflesians and the Sec 4 Rafflesians, where they sang their batch song, and we started with ours.

Not criminal or anything, and all done in the name of good fun - we work hard and play hard. And today was officially the last day of school leading to the June holidays! Here's how Jonathan Shin will spend his holidays:

1) Practise piano with laser-beam accuracy (as what Dr Hecht said when he used to practise)
2) Complete all overdue assignments
3) Go to social gatherings and class parties
4) Complete all due assignments


So here I am, completing my English portfolio. I've yet to complete (read: complete, not start) my English argumentative essay, of which I have managed to maintain the same level of ENTHUSIASM since I first heard of this project.

Which is good.

5) Complete my RE and do the recording for it by end of June

Watching movies of the 80s are amusing. The fight scenes are littered with yells and screams, unneccesary moves and unneccesary speech. And then we have the stereotypes of the 80s, where the terrorists were the Arabs and they talked in an Arab accent. The actors didn't do a good job portraying the terrorists though - some of the raw emotions just don't come out. Well if you're going for pure raw then I suggest Lust, Caution might be the correct movie.

Unfortunately the director wasn't Ang Lee, and this movie was a B-flick, so the choreographing was pretty bad and the photography too. And after all this rambling, you would definitely be wondering what this movie's about.

It's Air Marshal.

There are so many criticisms of this movie that I have to get a new printer to print out the waiting numbers. Let's take for example the CGI graphics of the plane itself. Well since the plane's being hijacked, we need to show exteriors of the plane. And it totally sucked, because it was so obviously CGI and in fact blatantly trying to tell us that directors put this computer model in while they were on Tiger Beer. And they didn't bother to check whether it would turn out ok.

And then the terrorists in the plane seem to pop out from nowhere. I could easily count more than half a dozen terrorists. Now tell me which organization would bother to put so many terrorists in one plane...Don't they know that one should not put all their eggs in one basket?

Wouldn't bother to rate it unless someone treats me to an ice-cream. And a bottle of abalone.

Then again we'll have to be realistic and note that this movie was made with a budget - not everyone is as rich as I am. With movies made with THAT kind of money, it's got to be a movie you catch while you realise you've all the time in the world. Which I don't have! But I watched it anyway.

Is this why people like Nigel Fong and Barry Tng have their own places on the stage? Their discipline? I don't think so. I just like to think they naturally have a gift for mathematics or science, and they work towards honing that skill. If only. If only Raffles Institution had an award for just practical. Then again music is a humanities subject - it consists of geography, literature, history and art.

Simply excelling in one department isn't good enough to book a place on stage with Mr. Shanmugan!

Simply excelling in one department of music isn't healthy!

Simply excelling in one department of music...makes me depressed.

Not really though. It works to be an optimist!

quiz

The Dante's Inferno Test has sent you to Purgatory!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Level	Score
Purgatory (Repenting Believers)	Very High
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)	High
Level 2 (Lustful)	Moderate
Level 3 (Gluttonous)	Very Low
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)	Very Low
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)	Very Low
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)	Very Low
Level 7 (Violent)	Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)	Moderate
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)	Very Low

Take the Dante Inferno Hell Test

Greed:	Very Low
Gluttony:	Medium
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Very Low
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Low
Pride:	Medium

The Seven Deadly Sins Quiz on 4degreez.com


Oh in case anyone was thinking what the last post was about, it was a writing I wrote in Secondary 3, when I was still novice at crafting out stories. I got 26/30! In comparison to what the TheoKwek can do now, the difference is vast. He's just Secondary Two! Here's a nice line from his latest poem:

But.
Boys
have never made good
Embroideres,
and neither have
Guns
made good
Needles.

They were right - the world is unfair.

And the interesting part is how we all each try to accept it, and how some of us fight against it. I just realised I've not talked philosophical shit for a long time, and I'm not looking forward to spewing philosophical crap on MSN or even in real-life. I like to see how everyone has their different philosophies towards life, and how they base their lives on these philosophies. Yeah!


Today my dad and I went IKEA to get a new cupboard for me to put all my scores in. So in goes the Baroque Bach things, Classical Beethoven and Mozart, Romantic Chopin Etudes and Liszt Hungarian Dances, Modern Debussy Etudes and of course much more. Dinner there was pretty embarassing - my dad's style of 'bochap people looking at us' and 'as long as we get to eat' mentality is so different from mine. But I felt both stupid and good.

If you know IKEA uses these special tray trollies that can be dragged around. And we couldn't find a table, so we took on of these trollies and started eating at the side. Ok there probably was a grin or two from other diners there because they were thinking how smart we were, or even practical. But man there were smirks and of course sniggers on how we couldn't find a seat ourselves and had to sit at the side.

Well to be honest the tray was pretty comfortable because we were sitting at the side, with our glasses on the platform, and we were just drinking and eating as if it were no one's business.

It wasn't anyone's really!

And I'm sure my mum's around us all the time. Apparently she went into my dad's dreams and told him that there would be no tuition for the month of June, just like she has always done for the past years. So don't pay the fees! So like my mum. Thanks mum!

Tying Shoelaces

Everyone wears shoes. At least everyone living in the fast-paced hub we call Singapore. Wearing shoes is one thing – tying shoelaces together is another. And tying shoelaces, I must say, is something that is equivalent to Singapore winning the World Cup, at least for me.

Since the day I started wearing shoes, the shoes were fitted in and then tied by my mother. This was a scene I always saw, me sitting on the red stool situated outside my house, and my mum kneeling in front of me, fingers as quick as lightning, tying the shoelaces as if she were doing another daily chore, like tying up the entrance of the garbage bag. This went on of years, and soon I could memorize all the steps needed to eat my breakfast, pack up my bag, put on my shoes, and get out of the house.

Except the part where I tie my shoelaces.

My attempts to tie these white strings together were futile, and my inability to tie them together was even more embarrassing.

I remember those times in shopping centres, where those two long pieces of cloth refused to hold on to one another. I had to face two embarrassing moments; the first would be to trip and fall, and the second would be too wait for my mum to tie my shoelaces for me.

And the problem? It was all done in public.

I remember those moments, where upon realizing my laces were loose, I would proceed to shuffle to the nearest toilet or pillar, and repeat the process of failing to tie those shoelaces. I tried many different knots, so many that I think those scouts would have been shamed when they had seen me, all crunched up and sweaty with the attempts, which should have, by then, numbered to a hundred.

That time, I was eleven, a primary school child who saw all his peers tying shoelaces with ease.

It became a personal goal. I chose a day, and decided it would be the day I could simply bend down, move my fingers over those strings, and voila! My shoes would then be smiling at my accomplishment. I would be beaming with joy, those shoelaces finally under my hand, under my control.

I summoned my mother, and in a straight and strict voice I said, "Mum, I am going to learn how to tie my shoelaces by today. If you don't teach me, I shall commit suicide." (In primary school the words 'committing suicide' seemed to be an excellent threat, and it was actually the 'in-thing' in those days)

"Why do you make such a sudden request?"

"Never mind about that, I want you to teach me, otherwise…I'll commit suicide!"

And so the tired mum brought me outside the house and placed me on the same red stool. She took those shoes out again, the very same shoes I vowed that I would someday force into submission. I slipped my feet quietly with anticipation, and prepared myself for the quest I was about to undertake.

"Ok first, you turn the shoelaces like this."

Within seconds, the first part of tying shoelaces was over. Her hands moved with such dexterity that I was able to see nothing but a blur of beige over a patch of white.

"Huh? Huh! Wait I didn't see a single thing! How do you expect me to tie shoelaces! Can you do it again or not?" Fragments of the famed Singaporean-English (also known as Singlish) started to crawl out of my mouth, and this young face was screwed with frustration.

"Ok I shall do it again. If you don't look carefully, I will stop teaching you."

My eyes focused very clearly on the shoelaces, and my brain was throbbing hard. I soon realized that my hands were clutched very tightly against the skin of my lap, and I released them. I readied myself for the sudden movement of beige again.

I blinked. Opening your eyes wide out for a long time hurt. I stared back at my feet, preparing for her second attempt at teaching me the first part of tying shoelaces.

But all I saw was the finished product, the final product. Those shoelaces were already in place, and I could almost hear the smirking of these shoes. When I looked up, my mum had already left for her kitchen, where she would prepare dinner.

"Mum! Why are you leaving so quickly? I have yet to finish learning how to tie my shoelaces!" I sputtered. Controlling one's speech when one was extremely agitated was very difficukt.

"But you clearly didn't want to listen." My mother replied.

"Aren't you afraid I would commit suicide?"

"Go, lah."

I turned my head towards the window, and thinking about what was below had me shuddering.

A few months had passed, and still my fingers never learnt the art of tying my own shoelaces. But I never gave up. Over these few months I would continue trying, with determination enough yet to put the scouts to shame. I would succeed.

I did learn how to tie my shoelaces finally, at the most unlikely place though - it was in Slovenia, Italy, and I was there for a music trip.

I was alone in the hotel room, and I looked at those same pair of shoes. I pulled those shoes towards me as I had done over the past few months. I slipped my feet in, once again with quiet anticipation, ready to undertake this same quest that I had repeated a hundred times previously.

My fingers moved with care and delicateness, working on bringing these two strings together all by myself. I held my breath, going through every step with excitement, and yet fear, fear that I would fail once again, like I had done before. I slipped the final knot in.

And there it was! My heart lifted, and I looked back at my shoes, albeit with shoelaces tied. I did it.

Without anyone's help.

It was one of the best and most precious moments of my short life. Singapore had won the World Cup, and I had tied my shoelaces!

    

A thank-you note

To some person who's not a guy:

You bring to me peace and comfort.
I feel connected to the world when I'm talking to you.
I hope this can last for a long time, not simply months, but years.
You give me respite from this loss, and for that I'm thankful.

It may be what they call a bounce-back.

But as what my piano teacher said yesterday,
don't care about tomorrow, care about today.
And if what happens today is cared for,
tomorrow would be okay.

And it's good now.

Scrubbing Germany's Plucking

The joy of seeing the dirt all gone after scrubbing one's own white pants. So there I was, just continuously scrubbing at the leg end, and seeing the patch lightening in colour.

I'm going to Germany in August! Clarence bought the air ticket for me already, because we (including the imba Zhang Aidi) made it into the competition round. After doing a recording of my Mozart Sonata K.330 1st Movement and my Chopin 'Harp' Etude, I sent it in to the organization and passed the recording round.

So anyway yeah I'm flying off on the 31st of July. It's kinda exciting that someone else bought the air ticket for me, because usually it would be a family-planned thing and we would do the surveys and everything.

This time Clarence smsed me to say 'I got the air ticket for you already.' Cool...

I'm going alone though! :( For the first time in my life I'll be going overseas all alone, without any company, although there's Clarence and Aidi. My dad will stay here in Singapore...And my mum will be around me in spirit :)

It's been a week, and I've coped surprisingly ok, trying to get this into a default setting. There's not much a huge change, except that it's clearer where the laundry goes and how to wash the laundry. Speaking of which I just went to hang up the bamboo poles...

I'll use Vesak Day to do all my overdue homework, so that means no distractions, no MSN. It's useless to say it but don't do it, so I'll be counting on my willpower. Although I demonstrated lousy willpower this morning by not being able to click into consciousness and get out of bed by 6, it will be different on Monday!

Anyway yesterday from 11.30-12.30 and 3.30 to 6.30 I went jamming! And any bass players out there like David, please tell me the correct way of plucking, because if I pluck so quickly my arms tend to tense up, and I'll definitely stop to relax the muscles.

Help, anyone?

peace finally for her

Kk I'm back. Firstly lots of people to thank.

First to top the list would be Jason, my cousin, who was here to help my dad and I in arrangement of the wake, the funeral, and lastly her cremation. And of course he was always there when drinks were needed to be served.

Was pretty busy on the second day though - many visitors came in, including all my NAFA friends, some of my classmates, extended relatives, and some of my mum's friends.

Today was the final day of the wake - there was a service before the cremation in the church. It was overwhelming, but I pretty much had everything organized in my head already, so I unknowingly did not shed a tear.

Thanks to Fiona and Edwyna for being all the way there from the service to the cremation.

The church is a beautiful and good place for inspiration. Must stop taking advantage of the Church to write music.



Thanks to all classmates who came down although there was school! Zhongren, Bryan, Jon Lim, Miss Low, and Mr Tan. Thank you!

Thanks to Mr. Eric Lim, my dad's friend, who bought a book "The Rest Is Noise" on modern art music for me, talking about Debussy and Ravel and the likes. Extremely hard to find a person like him (accompanied Pres. Nathan to South Africa before, owns many companies, and probably owns Mr. Kwan ;) - Sorry ryan!)

Thanks to the 6-5 guys, who really cheered me up when I just saw them. Laughing and talking alot of nonsense as per usual. For goodness Henry please start acting normal. Which wake has a doorbell. In 70 years when you have yours I'll switch off the lights to yours man...See whether got doorbell sound come out..

Thanks to all my relatives, who have been a constant pillar of support for me, and giving some life's invaluable tips.

Thanks to all RISE members, who came down, including Mr Sze, who came for two days. You guys have been a constant reminder for me to stay strong and focused too. Thanks!

Thanks to my neighbours, who also came down to visit my mum and gave words of wisdom.

Thanks to the funeral director, who ensured everything went smoothly and made my mum's journey to heaven smooth.

Thanks to the Church, who provided a safe and holy haven for the wake, a place where we could mourn, a place which was calm and quiet, a peaceful resting place for my mum.

And of course all who came to pay their last respects.

I'll get back soon to the track of life

her final moments

It was pretty overwhelming. I missed The Hypochondraic today as my dad called me to say that my mum was in a critical condition. So both of us rushed to Assisi Hospice, where my mum had been living in for the past few weeks.

In case any of you don't know, she's contracted liver cancer, and by the time she got diagnosed it was already too late. It was at the terminal stage already.

I hadn't caught a glimpse of my mum since last Friday, so today I decided I should again because I would never get to see her again if I missed the chance. I went there earlier this morning (but didn't enter the ward) and I went again this evening at 7.00.

She was lying there, unable to speak a single word. In case any of you don't know why, the liver has stopped functioning, and (I'm not a bio student, but I'll explain it as best as I can) the poisons that are generated by the body are not being expelled out of her body.

As such, the poisons have entered her bloodstream, and slowly impaired her brain and thought.

Now for all of you out there who are reading this, I don't know how you're feeling now, but this is all real. So yes, your friend here is currently facing an impending death in his family.

So when I went into her ward today, she was unable to recognise me, and her breathing was extremely laboured. So I heard the heaving and her laboured breaths - each single breath she took, felt so labouring. Her eyes were flipped upwards, and her eyelids were half-closed. And her skin tightened around her skull.

I talked to her a little, telling her I was Jonathan Shin, her son. If she still did remember - (she can't recognize anyone as of now) - however I'm very sure she lit up, whether she's angry that I came, or that she was happy. My psychologist cousin told me that she was probably having some memories switched on.

I told her loudly that I was Jonathan Shin. And that I was a pianist. And that I was her son. And that she went for my concerts, and she watched me perform. I told her I would work hard and she didn't need to worry.

Of course by then my tears were following already, as of all the relatives who were over there. They were crying, and asking my mum whether she heard me. She was making unintelligible sounds, and she clearly laboured to say something. Well she didn't get to say it though - it was now simply hopeless. Her lips were now chapped and faded - and she could not close her mouth; something like my uncle, who also passed away from liver cancer.

I told her I would work hard and that I would get a proper job. And that she always told me that on Mother's Day she didn't want any presents except that I got good results. I assured her I would - something that I've been trying to so hard to achieve.

I can still remember her face - the painful expression, the inability to recognize anyone, the blank glance. It was completely different from Friday when I saw her. At least she was still able to order and scold my dad around. Today she was entirely weak.

Nearing the last few moments of her life.

There've been many ups-and-downs for our relationship. I wouldn't mention much here - one should learn how to forgive and forget. Someone who was once so decisive and strong, had now become weak and a faint memory. Something so powerful - now lost.

I feel satisfied. I've told her what I would have done.

I feel a little pain though.

Trying to really hang in there, with every single breath she took. Every breath she exhaled a loud heave. Staring into the space, now a movement from a hand, now giving up.

I stroked her hair, and it felt really smooth. I've never stroked my mum's hair - she wouldn't have allowed me to. Well this time I did. It's probably the only time I got to anyway.

I think she teared a little bit. Just a little bit though.

I don't want see my mum suffer anymore. She's had quite a life (some really good points in my life where we shared with each other, and sometimes when I really become a jerk). When she passes away she'll get to somewhere better I hope.

Somewhere where she can breathe freely and taste orange juice.

Somewhere where she can be relieved from all the shit I've been giving her, but where she can watch my concerts somewhere from above.

Somewhere where she is free from worries and troubles.

Thanks mum, for the past 15 years. I'll use what you've taught me to the best I can.

nothing

I've not yet gotten Dr Hecht's comments on my performance on Friday! So don't bother asking yet my viewers.

Anyway not much this week except I went to my aunt's house on Saturday and Sunday and left from there to school the next day. And I mostly played PSP and read my Chinese book. And the Chinese book wasn't for any sort of review! So a milestone for me.

And nothing else to talk about - the plain reason why I failed to blog for the past few days...

a musical day ahead

I had to do an impromptu performance yesterday. With the imba Zhang Aidi, during Studio Class.

I mean, I couldn't believe it! Dr Hecht stated it was from 7-10, but I didn't realize all of us year 1s and year 2s had to perform. So anyway I didn't practise (neither did Aidi) for the half-an-hour between our lessons and Studio Class. And that meant I was looking towards a performing disaster.

Bach was a performing disaster - I didn't even know whether I was in the correct bar, but I was playing all the different progressions until it sounded good enough to head towards the end. But yes, I wasn't even conscious. That was because IT WASN'T MEMORIZED!

And so I was solely concentrating on the notes and not the correct mindset and 'feel'. There you have it, a musical disaster. Mozart was better, and the imagery that Dr Hecht put to me yesterday for a final attempt to help me do well in juries was fantastic enough to make me smile and think about the operatic actions and the laughter. And finally, Chopin etude, which I've already played through a couple of times.

Wish me good luck for juries tomorrow! Meanwhile, I can't wait. I have this immense urge to perform for them now, them being Dr Hecht, Mr Tiu, and the director of the Conservatory, Mr. Bernard Lanskey. After my juries, I would be heading back to school for some jamming, and then soccer, and then REHEARSAL from 6.30 to 9.30pm!

Shiok, shiok, shiok. What a musical day. I'll be skipping school to prepare for my juries though, so anyone from 4L who sees this, please tell the teachers! And if you don't understand what a jury means, it means a performance in front of members of the faculty and they will check one's progress throughout the entire year through the means of one performance.

That's it. Tomorrow I'll show them my progress. However, I wouldn't like to over-estimate, and I will continue practising now!

Detention #2 (NO! A series about detention! It wasn't done on purpose!)

And of course, how could I have forgotten about the touch rugby game played by RJ girls for training in RI?

It was a combination of softball and rugby, where they had to pass the ball around and there was a girl who ran around the bases. And of course, the famous scene, when this pretty RJ girl in uniform (the only one in uniform) ran around the bases, and when she went for a touchdown at the final base, she dived, and lo and behold! her skirt flew over and I saw no evil.

Ok I didn't see any evil, because Norman saw it and told us. NORMAN SAW EVIL. He told me it was white. And when I looked there, obviously the girl had pulled back down her skirt, but she was covering her face in laughter. And all the girls around her collasped into laughter.

Damn. Evil comes only once in a while, and you hardly get to catch it until you're around 30.

Detention #1 (no series planned)

My plan backfired. It wasn't really a 'plan'. It was a I-need-to-eat-my-lunch-NOW case, and so I missed 20 mins of Assembly period to go eat my lunch at RJ. I managed to avoid the prefects doing their rounds at RJC, but when I got back to RI for the Assembly, I met into Miss Goh, and she referred me to Miss Jacqueline Sim, who made me go for detention, and then to Mr. Tan Wen Seng. Good thing was that they didn't shout in my ears, otherwise it would have been unbearable.

So I got one demerit point for truancy - one step to being John Lennon at 16. Or 15. Except I have yet to get laid (which I'm not planning to do so until I'm 30) So unfair really. I've never been to a detention my whole LIFE!

I wouldn't complain it's unfair or anything, because after I told my dad about the detention he said good that I ate my lunch and that I had to take care of my health.

Otherwise it would be Assembly wise Pound foolish. Had I not eaten, I would have FALLEN ILL! :O So for detention I had to write a reflection letter, and tomorrow I would be making a speech with 3 other guys during morning assembly about why one shouldn't pon assembly. Actually being in the process it really isn't meant to humialliate us, just to tell you guys that ponning really sucks. Because when I went for the last few parts of the Humanities quiz, it really was damn fun.

Moral of the story? Always have a heavy breakfast at 5am so you wouldn't have to look like an idiot at 12.30 and run off to RJ to quickly get your stomach filled.

Originally I could have gone home to practise piano at 3, but I got home at 6. I have juries this Saturday. And I have nothing to worry about already. I've gotten over it, and I need to work on my priorities. But yet, I have so limited time to practise. I only have tonight to practise, and none tomorrow before I go for my lessons. And string ensemble rehearsal on Friday is from 6.30 to 9.30. I get back home, practise till 12am. Entirely possible. And then 10am would be my juries. 6 hours to sleep, and 2 to practise, before taking a bus to the Conservatory.

Fine. Settled.

After this Saturday, I'm free. I can compose music. I can read lots of books. Play music with friends.

But concentrate, concentrate on Saturday.

Concentrate on my music.

Spiralling ribbons from the sky

I feel comfortable sitting here in this chair. Air-conditioned, although my legs are tired. Beautiful Prelude in D major. All the brilliant intricacies, intertwining harmonies, suddenly to regret and then to hope. Suddenly to Theophilus-talk.

Listening to Dr Hecht teach Bach is so soothing.

Math Error Analysis was ok. I can say maybe I can get 4/7. For Chemistry, I don't think that would be the case. I feel like drinking water now. Just pure refreshing water. Mountain water. Flowing from above.

Flying over an evergreen forest with snow and sleet. Beauty of nature.
Bach - language of humanity.

Spiralling ribbons from the sky.

I should stop writing like this - they may be to my viewers' displeasure, although it is my pleasure to write like this.

Peace

One day a woman came to see the Buddha (the great spiritual teacher who lived several thousand years ago in India) with her dead child in her arms. Grief-stricken, she had wandered from place to place, asking people for medicine to restore him to life. As a last resort, she asked the Buddha if he could help her. "Yes, he said, "But you must first bring me some mustard seed from a house in which there has never been a death."

Filled with hope, the woman went from door to door inquiring, but no one could help her. Every house she entered had witnessed its share of deaths. By the time she reached the end of the village, she had awakened to the realization that sickness and death are inevitable. After burying her son, she returned to the Buddha for spiritual instruction. "Only one law in the universe never changes," he explained, "that all things change and all things are impermanent." Hearing this, the woman became a disciple and eventually, it is said, attained enlightenment.

All things change and all things are impermanent. I should start embracing both Christianity and Buddhism at once.

I'm at peace. And that is important, for only in mental peace can one achieve his fullest potential. I shall clear away all distractions, and work on my priorities. I shall stop using excuses not to do work, and I shall list all my current priorities.

1. Study for Chemistry CCT, even though it's too late, I shall do my best.
2. Practise Mathematics Differentiation, which I've been doing for the past few days, and I'm confident for tomorrow's quiz.
3. Practise for juries on Saturday. I shall work on my 2nd and 3rd movement of Mozart.
4. Type out my English summary for my speech

I'm still the normal Jonathan Shin, but with clearer priorities. This shall serve as a reminder for me to lead a balanced life. I shall go to church every Sunday, and I will harness the power of meditation to guide me through my toughest times. I would still talk to friends, for I'm not selfish, and I do not strive to better others, only myself.

I shall not let them down - I shall not let him down - I shall not let her down - I shall not let myself down.

I realised I wrote

I shall eat a banana for lunch.

I realised I wrote a modern art-music piece called Tribal Dance for the Land of Hi. It's so damn coincedental that Clinton mentioned to me about him planning to write an abstract work called "Hi", and that we were working towards a musical at the end of the year for the Literature Comedy Project. And our project was supposed to revolve around Gulliver's Travels (I supposed). So if you did read the last book where he met the Yahoos and their tribal behavior, you would understand why the music was so coincedental.

The music itself is pretty awkward - an atonal piece that starts with a mere hint of G minor and alternating time signatures to signify gathering people and the pitterpattering of feet. There's the chief's entrance. Well it could have been inspired by Debussy's Island of Joy, when Clarence went on story-telling mode for the piece.

I shall have a banana for lunch.

Perhaps the banana might console me, and it looked like it could lah. Hopefully.

Abstract

It's important to be both pragmatic yet briliantly optimistic for life. It's important to understand that the only thing that comes with a 100% guarantee in life would be death. Expecting a death is never easy!

I'll constantly remind myself to stay strong, and never let myself go astray...

My juries are next week, and yet I'm not ready for Mozart 2nd and 3rd movement.

Lit presentation on the Theatre of the Abstract was neat - an impromptu performance flows pretty naturally. Clinton and I were pretty organized, and Ms Chew apparently thought we gave a very good dramatization of Endgame. She wants us to put the presentation up on the LitWiki.

Which I've yet to locate :X

Other than that, I'm simply lost these days as to what to blog about. No wonder the lack of tags

What else.

I realised I start every post in nearly the same fashion, or at least I think I do. That's because I've a boring format!

We did the orchestration for the Introduction for Flame of Youth this RE period today. And Bryan and I played for 5 hours.

And...

My mum went back to hospital.

And what else. Hm.

Musical Fun

Jamming is so fun. Today I played for 3 hours with Graham, Joey, Glenn, and singer Yee Xiang. Graham rhythm, Glenn lead, Jonathan bass, Joey drums, YeeXiang singer. We tried Vindicated at first, but it didn't work out well as expected because of the range for Yeexiang. Anyway Daniel's band budged into the room and watched us play for a while - we got some hackles but they softened afterwhile when we really got down to the music.

Then we moved Vindicated two steps down so that we could let Yeexiang reach some of the high notes, but Campus Superstar contestant stepped in and helped us out a little bit. I sang a favourite song of mine - Somewhere only we know, but we didn't continue much of it. I guess Vindicated was the song of the day.

After that it started getting really cool, because we played some blues hillibilly, and walkingbass, and there were really awesome solos from Glenn and Graham. So we were just jumping around and singing/screaming our heads off, thanks to Glenn attempting some of the high notes. Really fantastic, the feel.

Anyway I was being 'sorried' and pitied because I only played oldschool music - I guess I can be a more useful bass player if I had learnt to adjust my ears to the insensitivities of contemporary music. Suddenly music wasn't simply about sensitivity, but all about feelings and emotions.

But suddenly it wasn't - I found out that the sensitivities needed in both contemporary and art music were the same, except only on a different volume scale. There was still a need to maintain how loud the bass was going to be, momentum towards the next phrase, previous harmonies that have to be cleared and evaporated from the environment before one can move on to the next notes - the upbeats that had to be clearly and carefully placed. It is perhaps, more subtle. More difficult to see.

And then there's the issue of code-switching. For me to be able to switch from contemporary and art music would be a skill - a technique to my musical wellbeing - something I can put to good use. But of course, being proficient in everything can mean not being an expert in one.

I still have to develop my piano playing, a never-ending process. And discover new things I can do with the bass, to provide the best sound that the audience would want to hear.

Last but not least, I would like to congratulate the RE team for completing our first phase - composition of piece. We would be working on orchestration, and move to our final phase, that is recording, in the few weeks to come.



Wanted: People who can sing and play an instrument at the same time, can harmonise, loves music from the 1950s - 1990s, all at the same time, in Raffles Institution.

Happy birthday to Mervyn!

Ok. I'm seriously going to get down to blogging.

Anyway today was Mervyn's birthday, and we were of course, celebrating his birthday. But it was SO SPECIAL! He played a Haydn Piano Concerto with Dr. Hecht, and he wrote his own cadenza! Now that's completely cool. I wouldn't want to say now that I could compose a cadenza as well as him, but I don't think it's impossible. For goodness sake, he's only ten, and I probably have five more years of musical experience compared to him.

Well, life's unfair, and I definitely hope all the best to him in his music endeavors!

Ok I'll update somemore.

Mr. Gregory and an Accompaniment concert

Today rocked.

Ok anyway we started with Mr. Sean Gregory's workshop at 11, replacing Dr. Edward's normal theory class on Saturdays. It was pretty cool, since we were doing African rhythms and aesthetic exercises. We clapped in different rhythms, stamped our feet, hit our chests and thighs, and snapped our fingers.

And then we went on to improvisation, where we had different melodies for each section created by him.

Anyway last year he came to do a workshop with the freshmen, and I was totally fascinated by his African tunes and rhythms. We were taught on stage to do a rainsong for the audience last year, and it was beautiful, with all the rich harmonies of African tunes and complex rhythms.

I probably still can remember a little of the melody.

So today we did another song, this time a dinner song from Ghana. So there was the call-and-answer, something that went like - 'yeah, yeah, mo-ba-co ni-wco-shway'. Anyway it was damn funny that I accidently did the harmonization thing, because I actually forgot the starting note for the melody, and coincedentally sang a third higher -.- So much for trying so hard.

Anyway the harmonies were extremely beautiful. I still can remember it now! And I wish we could do it again..."yeah yeah, mo-ba-co ni-wco-shway"...(fades away)

Oh for the raindance thing last year, we had people pitterpattering with the fingers, and others doing different sounds like wind blowing and the singing. And then the haunting melodies and the rhythms and harmoines. Ok. African ROCKS.

After that we finished the workshop, and I went for lunch with Alan. So I ate Subway and he ate chilli-spammed wanton mee, which after finishing he was simply red and sweating like crap. Out came the tissue papers.

After that I went to the library to read on orchestra playing and the Beatles Anthologies, before taking a short nap in the library. I headed home after that. But there was more to come!

Clarence sms-ed me about a concert this evening - 'Everyone needs Accompanying'. Ok no words can describe the amount of fun I had there. Ok firstly Fiona came to watch also (clapclap) so I wasn't going to be soloing there and enjoying the music all by myself. Secondly, I realised my colleagues were so fun! Akkra was singing a lovesong! - Dream a little Dream. It was so funny watching him sing, because of his usual character. I mean, his usual character is quite nice and clean, but when he was singing it was simply terrific. And then Ying Han sang also! Simply cool. Beautiful.

And Debussy's Romance was my favourite classical piece for tonight. Simply because I'm writing one that sounds alike. Sh. Fiona's was Tchaikovsky's Waltz-Scherzo. Du Rui played it! I've seen him around, but he does say hi. Yay.

Then we headed back home, and now I'm here, starving. While some people get to eat fried things mixed together called ngoh hiang/wu xiang. AND fries.

Chedule

Finally I can log on to Blogger. I've been offline so often (shouldn't it be online?) that when I signed in I found cobwebs on my display picture!

Now here's the punchline: Jonathan Shin finally gets caught by pangs of headaches and hopefully not fever! So I thought I was Superman and able to do loads of things at one time. Unfortunately not. Let's take a look at my schedule...

Monday (which has already passed)
-School (7am to 3.15pm)
-CCA (3.30 to 6.30pm)
-YST (7.30 to 9.30pm)
-Shower, Dinner, Composition (10pm to 12am) Oh, and add in Heroes.

Tuesday (which has already ended)
-School (7am to 1.30pm)
-YST (7-9pm)

Wednesday (which has yet to end)
-Schoool (7am to 3.15pm)
-YST (4.30pm to 9pm)

Thursday (which is tomorrow)
-School (7am to 1.30pm)
-MEP (2.15-5.15)
-YST (9 to 11pm)

Friday
-School (7am to 12.30pm)
-YST (2pm-5pm)
-CONCERT (7.30pm-10pm)

Saturday
-YST (11-1pm)

Ah. My schedule for the entire week. Enough to freak you and I and the entire human race. Gruelling but worth it. There's hardly anything worth to type out here anyway. Other than that I screwed up Philosophy and Mathematics. However I did well in English comprehension and Literature Dramatic Recitation. Yay! Full marks for Vocabulary, and in my fantasy world I get one extra mark for getting all correct.

And Dramatic Recitation - 18/20! Cheers to Byap and Norman.

Today's piano lesson was absolutely ZIBEI! After watching Zhang Aidi (who is only Secondary 2) play both Bach and Chopin, while I only played Chopin, I feel so ashamed to be in the room. Sian. Must practise hard but must keep healthy.

So NOW I know why Chopin died so young. Probably must have been practising too much!

Why do Colours have Concerts

And we shall all ask this question together - why?

Well it is a question directed to perhaps anything that ever existed in the whole universe. Basic questions like, why does my pencilbox contain pencils? What are the pencils there for? To write? Why must we write? So that we can communicate? Why must we communicate?

(Stumped)

Oh yes, we communicate so we can fulfil the human nature to socialize. (Figure that out yourself! Sorry...)So why do we have to socialize? Because it's human nature? Why does human nature exist? Well, because we're created that way? Why were we created?

Shit. Truly stumped. Crap.
WHY DO WE EXIST?
WHY DOES ANYTHING EXIST?
WHY DOESN'T THEOPHILUS GIVE US AN ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION?

PLEASE, don't mind the last question. But in any case if I did mentioned it then never mind, but Byap and I were talking briefly about it during Mathematics lesson. It was brought up to my mind again when I read my friend's blog this evening. (Although I don't think it's in the same context.)

Some interesting things happened yesterday on Wednesday - I started seeing (imagining? now that's a different story) colours that came along with the sounds I heard, which led me to a confused state during two-piano class, no thanks to the brilliant range of tonality and dissonances provided during a climax of Della Joio's Aria and Toccata. So I started seeing(?) rainbow colours and streaks and different hues of blue green purple yellow brown red orange in all shapes and assortments.

And I got a BIG headache.

Something I can use to my advantage :) Another skill I can access in my musical arsenal.

Chopin's Etude was entirely understandable, just that I need some good psychomotor skills. I realised it used every part of my mental strength and body coordination and both ears. I had to keep the melody like bells (something which I've already noticed in the beginning), take note of the pedal (something I will not tell you guys here as it is too complicated to type out), take notice of the pedalling of the hands, take notice of the harmonic progressions and follow according to the progressions, and listen and listen and listen.

Try that man. Anyway I'm glad I've been told of this in one lesson, which gives me time to prepare it for next week's lesson. It would be tough, but entirely worth it. Why not, if it can make the piece better than it sounded before?

Once again, advertisements for two concerts that I'll be featured in. One would be the April 4th Primarily Piano concert (where I'll play as the FIRST guy). I'll be playing Mozart's K330. Yes, that cute piece that is in reality extremely detailed.

And then Shostakovich's Concertino, which I'll be playing as 2nd piano accompanying Aidi who's on 3rd. No, 1st piano. That would be on the April 15th.

I'm grateful for the all the concert opportunities!

Suay~

What an unlucky day today. Well to start after 8 years we changed the position of the house clock, and at exactly 12am it fell off the wall and crashed into the floor, shattering the glass and instantly waking the entire family up.

The next morning I woke up pretty fine, even though I ended up sleeping at 1am and having to wake up at 5.15am! I was tossing and turning around in bed, going so much as to sleep the other way, my head at the end of the bed.

Went to Bishan Stadium with the help of a friend I met at Bishan MRT, and then I got to enjoy the morning mist that emerged from the huge field beside the stadium. Fresh grass...no sound of crickets, just the clean fresh smell of a new morning.

Anyway it was Track-and-Field meet at Bishan Stadium for Raffles Institution, and for me it wasn't really that much fun, considering I was never one who had a mind to run quickly and escape from a couple of imaginary cops. The really nice part that made me want to cringe with nostalgia (cringe?) was the entire time the Morrison house got together at the stands. And that was where I met all the 2G guys back again. We relived a couple of jokes, like Neelia Rohc, Jaren's forehead, and the like. So we were indulging in much fun and laughter for the first hour, although the fun died down when some of us went away.

Kope~(d) a guitar from a Hulletian and started singing with the guys, before attempting to leave early. I did succeed 2 times on passing the NPCC guards, but of course I came back. I never had the intention to leave early, anyway. But just to show them that their plan wasn't foolproof afterall - wasn't really a waste of time though - I did the attempts just before we ended. :)

Got back to RI, played football with 4L guys. What a fantastic bonding session for us once again - we did some passing and playing together. However I did get burns from the sun afterwards - the field was emitting extremely hot air, so much so that we could see the hot air rising from the grass. Mirage? Illusion? I don't know what to call that.

Ate lunch with those guys, before we headed off back home. I came back home to see my dad's head bandaged - he fainted and knocked his head against a door. Apparently he didn't eat much in the morning, saw them draw blood from my mum and was feeling emotional, so he blacked-out.

Hope that doesn't happen to me anytime, though I did hit my head against a sharp corner at home a few hours back.

How unlucky...

(Sleeps)

No updates since last Sunday! Saddening for the readers, but good for me. I get a break, a break, a break a break a break OH YEAH! Yeah we had school till Thursday, where it was the RI Community Day - RISE went to AWWA Elderly Care Centre. I wouldn't want to dwell too much on that, except that when my dad read the email Kaicheng sent out on the e-groups, he mentioned that those guys who were constantly playing must stop the 'bochap' attitude - doesn't simply apply to music-lovers or non-music lovers in RISE - everyone has a responsibility to make the event successful.

I shall not do a public scolding here - not like I want to - but I'm glad at least I know the reasons that they have acted the way they've done. I'm contended to know that I've did my best to understand the reasons why they have lost interest...But they did a good job as station masters anyway! Ok that part is true other than playing soccer behind the main screen...

That day before was Dr Hecht's lesson on Bach - I played Prelude and Fugue in D major. Learnt a new finger action - and new imagery (which is never-ending and part of what makes lesson fun) for the fugue. From angel voices from the balcony to proclaimations...Baroque music is certainly beautiful although Ben Low and Bryan think it's boring!

Recently I've been listening to Sigismond Thalberg. I don't know what's the reason but he's virtuosic enough. It might have been Ben's Liszt's Harmoniques that made me interested in the Romantic virtuosic playing since this week...

Thought of so many things to talk about but I forgot all of them. Will definitely talk about them tomorrow.

Kaicheng just hummed to me a tune for a video he's creating (yumyum - nope not on food, definitely for CCA) and I had to copy it down on manuscript. UNFORTUNATELY, it was all much syncopated, which led me to have a hard time writing it down on paper.

But it was fun though.

And I liked Oblivion Part 1...

Elaborations

For my lovely readers, something from me -

Numb

I'm done for the day.

I've returned.

I'm back.

I'm tired!

Well for starters I was asked to sight-read Schumann's Piano Concerto has an orchestral pianist so that the rest can get a feel of it. I managed to get the structure of it right, although 1/3 or more of the notes were wrong. I was extremely disappointed not to have been able to apply what I've learnt - hand pedalling, voice leading...


15th March Saturday________________________________________________________________
And today I'm blogging for Saturday.

Early in the morning I woke up to the sound of my mum asking if I was going to miss theory class with Dr Edwards. Of course I wasn't - I've been waiting for this day for a week to test out my composition. But anyway I used 45 minutes in the morning to figure out the progression for TWO bars nearing the end of the piece.

Not really effecient, but I managed to sort out the final part. Unfortunately this made me 7 minutes late for theory class - I ran from the Kent Ridge Bus Stop all the way to Sem Room 7. Luckily, Dr Edwards had yet to arrive.

He was having Composition auditions...so I was early!

Ok anyway so I was asked to play my composition first. After I finished the three page work we all went through a pretty detailed analysis of my composition. I realised most of the things that were pointed out were coincedentally nicely in place - I didn't plan them or anything. Maybe it was subconscious. Only the 'sets in two' were planned.

Dr Edwards pointed out two opposite ends of the compositional spectrum - Continuity and Variety, or otherwise known as Coherence and Interest respectively. I guess the key is to hover around the middle of the spectrum - keeping a level of coherence and continuity, while also trying to provide variety and keep the listener interest.

It's like how I told my RE teammates about conventionality and originality. After me was Zhu En, and then Andrea and Aidi. Andrea did about 8 too (like me), and it was really great to see my counterparts' compositions. I agreed with Dr Edward's point about it looking easy, but when it came to playing...it was really difficult. But anyway I think experience does matter - learning and adding new techniques and new colours to your compositional arsenal allows for more ideas and also development of the composition.

And later that day the Conservatory was holding auditions for people coming into it next year...anyway the Ensemble rooms were used for warming up. A couple of dads peering into Ensemble room 4 (I was practising there) but heck. I was once like that too - I mean the warming up part!

Went to eat Mcdonalds at the Engineering Block with Sue Yi, Wasin, and Akkra soon after. Akkra spammed chilli sauce on the small plastic plate so much so that the whole thing spilled over simultaenously and formed a nice circle shape that looked like a red blood cell...And Wasin was eating his McWings and making noises like 'mmm...' and 'ahhhh...' and 'oooohhh...' Prizes for guessing he was eating McWings.

Attempted to copy him at the Chocolate Sundae I got for $1.50, but he said I was too fake - heck I ENJOYED the sundae more than his wings. I still win Wasin! :P Ok just kidding we must be respectful to our seniors. When we went back to the Conservatory though, we had lots of fun. Well, Akkra and I, that is. We were acting as singer and accompanist going for audition with an invisible auditioner. I started shrieking and screaming and Akkra started to forget his notes, and we laughed lots. Like Akkra improvising 'Mary had a little lamb' and 'Mary has no animals'. Hey at least we got away with something to learn ok!

Failed to convince my mum to let me go for the cello concert though by Ralph Kirshbaum. Lots of people were saying it was going to be good, but unfortunately I couldn't go...

But I did start to copy the Elaborations on another piece of manuscript.


16th March Sunday________________________________________
This is for Sunday, that is today.

Yesterday night I had a very cool dream and a frightening bodily experience.

We'll start with the physical experience. Somewhere in the middle of night, my entire body suffered paralysis and I was unable to gain control of my arms and legs. Something we all call, numbness. So it was as if I had pins and needles everywhere. My ears experienced an increasing loud sound, much like thunder. It climaxed to a boom that was extremely loud. My head started to tilt towards the left, and I had totally no control of my neck muscles.

So it was like me lying on the bed, entirely paralyzed, and my ears hearing an increasing crashing sound, while my head involuntarily tilting towards the left. While all this happened though I was trying my best to be conscious of my own movements and actions, but it entirely fail through - it was obvious I had no control.

Immediately after it stopped I quickly tried to massage my arms but it happened again. First was the numbness that set in into my torso, legs, and arms and hands. Then after that the booming sound in my ears. It sounded like a fighter jet engine - right beside my ears. And then my head started tilting left again.

All this really happened, and I shall take note of my sleeping position at night again.

In my dream however, I was able to stop and control time - much like the Heroes character Hiro. Anyway by regulating my heartbeat I was able to control the time around me. In this case I was in a 100m-sprint. At the start of the race I breathed so slowly and felt so conscious of my heartbeat that everything around me started to slow down. And then I started running to the end. And then at some point of time I was in New York trying to steal an item, by I remembered clearly being surrounded by the police. They started shooting bullets at me, and I closed my eyes and started being aware of my own heartbeat. The bullets did stop right in front of me, but I couldn't move at all.

And that was when I panicked and told myself that if my heartbeat started going right up the bullets would go straight into me and I would die. However I just couldn't move - and maybe that was when the paralysis hit me. I'm not sure which one came first. Maybe they both intertwined - scary enough though.

Morning came, and I went for my jabs at the Ang Mo Kio clinic I visited earlier this week with my cousins. Younger cousin Nigel told even younger cousin-brother Julian that it was going to hurt a lot, and he had to take 6 jabs. -.- Now that's mind-numbing.

Anyway I managed to suppress the fear emotion - probably because of the many performances I had been in and the nervousness I had felt - didn't feel frightened at all. And it seriously was an ant-bite. The pain came AFTER the ant-bite though. My arm started to go numb, but it's much better than thinking about the injection. After massaging it though the pain lessened throughout the day and it's clearly much better now.

Shall finish copying and editing the Elaborations, and they'll be up pretty soon!

Phne post 1

Ths post is special becos im typing it from my phne. How fun! Of course it wouldnt be lng as im nt sure if i need to pay bills 4 internet usage. Indeed a historic moment for the readers and i!
Yay. Meanwhle just keep reading n ul be entertained.
A phne post

chaIR! just...just look it backwards

I've decided to spend my half an hour waiting for the Korean drama my aunt and grandma are watching to end so that I can practise in peace.

So I've decided to be in the shoes of a random object for today - originally wanted you guys to take part in a poll to decide what object I should be in my blogpost. But since I've decided to use this immediate time available to me, too bad buddies!

Let's see...should I be an eraser? Should I be a piano? No. Too boring - you guys would just click one of my links and fly away. Should I be a...pair of glasses? A toilet bowl? A cloud? A building? A bed? Nope. Too many possibilites for bed. Hardly anyone of them not graphic. I shall be a chair...


Good evening.

I'm a chair from Raffles Institution. No, not chairman, neither a chairlady, just a chair. You can call me seat, for short. Although I've been stood upon many times, they still call me a seat.

I'm afraid to launch into Theoglish, but that language just reflects my education - imagine listening to all kinds of information; from physics - Maxwell's Third Law of Thermodynamics and Newton's Third Law of Motion - to chemistry - The entire Periodic Table and different kinds of chemical equations - to biology - "You got balls meh?" and "Eh fck you lah".

My brain capa- Oh! Sorry I didn't mean it by THAT kind of biology. I learn about the deoxyribonucleic acid and extremely complicated phrases like 'Each type of base on one strand forms a bond with just one type of base on the other strand. ' Simply shows how useful Wikipedia is.

Anyway, my brain capacity is larger than anyone can really expect. All these years of learning have made me quite sure that if I sat for A-levels I could be on my way to Cambridge or Oxford. Unfortunately, SIA doesn't have seats catered for chairs. Or seats.

And if you think this is lame, it's NOT!

It's a sad life being a chair. I shall be direct - I have to smell the same ass over and over again for the year! If only I got to smell an ass that's like a flower - although I know a seatfriend of mine who gets to smell such an ass. And that's not all - often I have to endure huge amounts of pain in order to satisfy the sitter. For one, I often have to balance on just two legs with a 50kg weight on me - that's being a HUMAN!

And sadly, I'm not a human. I've heard of friends who are often flipped over on the heads and stomach, before being flipped over on their four legs. This huge amount of pain - being turned over and stamped directly on the head over and over again, is I hardly need to say, a terrible ordeal.

The school that I reside in - Raffles Institution - has half an hour breaks.

Let's do a little calculation - the humans do about 10 of such flips in a minute.

30
x
10
____
300

THREE HUNDRED TIMES? That's like being hit on the head 300 times in less than half an hour. No human could have survived that.

Unfortunately for us, we can. Our hard plastic exterior enables us to withstand such pain. However, we cannot last long - I've heard of seatfriends who have died in such a tragic manner. Just like in 2005 - 5 humans apparently threw chairs around in the hall so much so that a chairhead broke asunder! The pain we felt can be reflected in the hall name - "AHH!" - Albert Hong Hall.

Many of you human bastards don't understand what I'm going through - what we're going through. We're just chairs - not human beings. Look, we admit, you're bigger, you're better. But that doesn't mean you can simply stamp, kick, throw us all around for your own pleasure!

So stop being assholes (figuratively) and just...just SIT on us!

Imagine if all these were true.









IT IS!



Alright that's seriously the end lol I'm now a human. If you liked this post, please vote for it at this website Funniest Post Competition

Thank you!

Forgetful forgetful

Might have as well show you guys the first copy of an incomplete Chaconne on a Groundbass of Bach. Extremely messy, but the process of editing is fun and also enjoyable. For copyright reasons I'll just put one page of it.



Understanding the composer's process of composing has always been a source of inspiration to me - reading on how the Beatles start a piece from jamming and then solidifying their ideas. Not as if mine's good, but heck. We're always learning anyway.

No big stuff on going, except I lost my ez-link card on Friday and when I was going to YA on Saturday I just realized that that was the case. Because I tapped my wallet on the machine but it didn't work so yeap. Opened it, holy crap, nothing's there.

I panicked for quite a moment before I suddenly realize where I left it - in the Hullett Memorial Library. So I went there this morning to collet my card, and they punished me by asking me to write lines. Anyway this morning I broke all of the rules possible in the library - I entered the library with PE shirt, I brought my bag into the library, I was talking very loudly to the librarian.

So the woman librarian asked me, "Are you Secondary 1?"

"No."

"Why don't you follow the rules then?"

Ok fine I didn't follow the rules simply because I was in a hurry to hand in my Chinese homework to my teacher. Ok Mdm Librarian? She was pretty naggy anyway and constantly repeated her words that were coated with vile sarcasm and dry of wit. So much for leaving my card behind to book a project corner.

Next time I'll just get my friend to continuously remind me to take my card out whenever I book a project corner. I'm a pretty forgetful person!

I'm not doing anything productive at the moment.

1) Finish practising A major and 2nd movement of Mozart.
2) Finish Chaconne.

Alright let's get to work people.

Shin Chaconne on a GroundBass of Bach

I got to hear Bach's Chaconne in D minor for Solo Violin Bwv 1004 yesterday in YA class. We had an 'assignment' for the week - to write four elaborations of the ground bass provided by our dear Bach.

However since we're having March holidays now, I've decided to do about 20-50 of them, and I've already started on the first...six already. Not bad, considering I didn't use keyboard and when I played it I just had to make minor edits. Also partly training one's level of concentration and ability to 'hear' the note inside one's head.

I've developed them over the years, and now I must say they're quite reliable, except it takes a burden on your brain and also limits the range of colours you can put onto the score. With the keyboard I must say it's defintely much easier.

I know this is about homework, but...

You know, music just rules.

Topsy-turvy

Today's one of the most topsy-turvy days I've ever had! From the start at 8am all the way to 6pm - I was constantly bombarded with different kind of feelings. Class camaraderie, class stupidity, class miscommunication, class fun, CCA EXCO meeting 1 and EXCO meeting 2.

It was mixed into all these 10 hours that I could hardly register and think that all of these could have happened in one day!

And so it began - in PE lesson. We were having our 2.4 warm-ups, and today was another one of them. The class was divided into two, and one half would be the timers and the other half were the runners. After all of the first half finished running, it was time to switch - our class big guy Shide was in my group, and all of us in the group had a plan to 'pace' him. Which meant that we ran behind and beside him. However after two rounds of 'pacing' our kind PE teacher started getting a little genuinely angry.

It could possibly be the way that we took and look at these trail runs - something just for fun. I think our PE teacher actually meant us well to use this time to exercise and prepare ourselves for the actual run in the coming weeks. He told the whole class that he would be talking to us next time we saw him. Scolding? Perhaps.

After the PE class was English, where I had a rather fantastic mood after I saw my group through altogether with a 3.6, equivalently to an A. 4.0 is A+. I was feeling pretty glad - I previouly mentioned two posts back about this thing we have been working so hard for. Bugis Junction, Central Library, and hours trying to prepare.

Truly a great feeling to lead them Zhongren Ian and Bryan.

The mood was altogether destroyed soon after though - for the term-end celebration we had today, it was marred simply because of miscommunication between the monitor (who didn't come in the morning) and the class itself. I shall not recall this terrible incident.

After that was Mathematics, and I was lost for a full hour as usual. Should have brought more manuscript paper along - Trignometry without any visual aids suck so much that I specifically called up Kingkoil for a portable mattress to bring. And my Trigonometry itself sucks so much that all the vacuum cleaner companies have attempted to buy my brand of Trigo - sucks the most. Anyway for the quiz itself I had an amazing total of _.

Immediately rushed to complete my Literature work in the library, and successfully typed out a 700 word essay in 45 minutes thanks to nice, structured planning at home. I handed in though, my THUMBDRIVE to Miss Chew, who thankfully accepted it but told me that she wasn't a printing machine. Wanted to ask if I could pay her though...:X

Attempted finishing two of my essays, but only succeeded doing one over the course of one day. Shall hand in all of my Chinese work on Monday.

String Ensemble EXCO meeting was enlightening, and I'm sure all of you will be looking forward to a revamp and lots of fresh things. Basically dumping the old EXCo away and putting on new clothings that smell good. We'll all put on new clothing that smell good together...

Of course, I will be blogging about juicier stuff in the next few days!

I did it RI's way...

Our English Reading Programme ended today, with our Ray Charles Biography Angle Presentation given out with much bumps but nonetheless we got our point across to the masses. (numbering 24)

The group consisted of Zhongren, Ian, Bryan and I, me being the leader. We literally did the preperation last minute, with a rushed Saturday 9am meeting at the Central Library at Bugis. We finally got to talking at about 10, as the library opened at 10. So we rushed to get the books needed at the basement, then proceeded to the 7th storey to have a good view and more importantly, a good and refreshed MIND!

So we discussed and read through the script, and then finally at 1.30 went for lunch. At Bugis's Mcdonalds. It was on a whole a rather short and RI-like project, as we left everything to the end and rushed like there was no Godzilla at Bukit Batok. (Therefore we were pretty fast)

Another presentation I was involved in today was the earlier Philosophy class, where our group consisting Leon, Zhongren, Jun Sean and I, Jun Sean being the 'leader' also attempted to follow the Do-Your-Project-Like-Rafflesians-Do rule book, and we left things to 1am.

Well, I sent him my slide information at about 1am when it was instead promised to be sent by 1pm, essentially putting me 12 hours late, which would mean minus 5%. Thank goodness Jun Sean isn't a RI teacher. I'm sure MOE wouldn't want teachers who would possess the ability to produce contagious laughter.

Having wrapped up these two presentations, there's one last project left for the week: Literature Dramatization and Literature CRP. That makes it two, but I put one there so that whenever I look at it, I feel more relaxed.

Ah...I'm now more relaxed.