From Me to YOu

I feel great looking at the bloghits decreasing exponentially. So fun! It's been a week since I last posted, all the more the reason.

Honestly I feel very stupid going for Chinese lessons. I don't hand in my work, not because I don't KNOW how to do the work, but I find myself distracted every time I attempt to start on it. just like now, when I'm supposed to be doing Chinese work, but I'm blogging.

Then again I find it neccesary to justify my own actions by writing this letter to you readers. Every single day, every single Chinese lesson I'm made to stand (with a dozen of my classmates at the back of the class) for nearly 45 minutes to an hour. Reason is because we basically didn't do our work. Well, fair enough, teachers also have a hard time trying to mark our papers and constantly chase us for our work.

I think partly the reason would be that the school is CRAZY.

That Raffles Institution, in order for it to keep its position (while others WOULD argue it isn't, I'm paid to say this so, please don't argue) of one of the top schools in Singapore, constantly spams its students with assignments, homework, CCAs. What do you expect from a top school?

I just find a serious degradation of life and morales in this school. My GPA has fallen gracefully from 3.5 to 2.0 in Secondary 4. I can't keep myself dedicated to schoolwork. There's this, impending sense of doom, you know, this chaotic inner feeling that I'm feeling. I'm experiencing.

Just me, of course. I don't think my schoolmates and classmates will feel it, but it's just me. I don't know how I manage it, but at the same time I find this inner joy in being able to do what I'm able to do.

You can't fault me for that - I find great joy in practising music and just spending my time in Chemistry lessons whirling my brain around with musical fluid. It's this inner peace, you know? I can do all of it with great abbadon, and no one is going to stop me or anything.

But time and again we'll have to constantly remind ourselves. You know, I don't mind my classmates at all, neither have I ever, ever bore a single hate for anyone of them. It's just the school, bearing down on us, MOE, not caring for any of our interests, insisting that we must finish it or die.

But luckily, I thoroughly enjoy what I'm doing at NUS. It's a love-hate relationship between MOE and I.

And then I'm dealing with this utterly powerful desire they call love, inside. Sometimes it becomes so important, other times it doesn't. Sometimes when I think about it, I really do cry! But then otherwise it's really bliss.

So once again, I'll be flying off to Spain on my birthday. It'll be quite nice, celebrating my birthday on the plane, hope the candles don't accidently fall off and burn a hole in the aluminium plates of the plane. Maybe then we'll have just a little turbulence...a teeny-weeny one. More turbulence would be ok, you guys can handle it.

I mean, you can't drop out or anything, you'll just have to stay with the plane. And if you die, too bad! We don't care about your interests or anything, we'll have to be realistic. We've got a name too man, a brand name we need to show everyone that we have yet to drop anyone from our school.

Look, seriously, I'm not in a pissed-off mood. I just want to poke at the school system...they make life really tough for people like me. 15 years of age, previously the prettiest face in Sec 1-2, now an enemy of Mama Lion. And already starting crumble at the fortress defences.