I've decided to spend my half an hour waiting for the Korean drama my aunt and grandma are watching to end so that I can practise in peace.
So I've decided to be in the shoes of a random object for today - originally wanted you guys to take part in a poll to decide what object I should be in my blogpost. But since I've decided to use this immediate time available to me, too bad buddies!
Let's see...should I be an eraser? Should I be a piano? No. Too boring - you guys would just click one of my links and fly away. Should I be a...pair of glasses? A toilet bowl? A cloud? A building? A bed? Nope. Too many possibilites for bed. Hardly anyone of them not graphic. I shall be a chair...
Good evening.
I'm a chair from Raffles Institution. No, not chairman, neither a chairlady, just a chair. You can call me seat, for short. Although I've been stood upon many times, they still call me a seat.
I'm afraid to launch into Theoglish, but that language just reflects my education - imagine listening to all kinds of information; from physics - Maxwell's Third Law of Thermodynamics and Newton's Third Law of Motion - to chemistry - The entire Periodic Table and different kinds of chemical equations - to biology - "You got balls meh?" and "Eh fck you lah".
My brain capa- Oh! Sorry I didn't mean it by THAT kind of biology. I learn about the deoxyribonucleic acid and extremely complicated phrases like 'Each type of base on one strand forms a bond with just one type of base on the other strand. ' Simply shows how useful Wikipedia is.
Anyway, my brain capacity is larger than anyone can really expect. All these years of learning have made me quite sure that if I sat for A-levels I could be on my way to Cambridge or Oxford. Unfortunately, SIA doesn't have seats catered for chairs. Or seats.
And if you think this is lame, it's NOT!
It's a sad life being a chair. I shall be direct - I have to smell the same ass over and over again for the year! If only I got to smell an ass that's like a flower - although I know a seatfriend of mine who gets to smell such an ass. And that's not all - often I have to endure huge amounts of pain in order to satisfy the sitter. For one, I often have to balance on just two legs with a 50kg weight on me - that's being a HUMAN!
And sadly, I'm not a human. I've heard of friends who are often flipped over on the heads and stomach, before being flipped over on their four legs. This huge amount of pain - being turned over and stamped directly on the head over and over again, is I hardly need to say, a terrible ordeal.
The school that I reside in - Raffles Institution - has half an hour breaks.
Let's do a little calculation - the humans do about 10 of such flips in a minute.
30
x
10
____
300
THREE HUNDRED TIMES? That's like being hit on the head 300 times in less than half an hour. No human could have survived that.
Unfortunately for us, we can. Our hard plastic exterior enables us to withstand such pain. However, we cannot last long - I've heard of seatfriends who have died in such a tragic manner. Just like in 2005 - 5 humans apparently threw chairs around in the hall so much so that a chairhead broke asunder! The pain we felt can be reflected in the hall name - "AHH!" - Albert Hong Hall.
Many of you human bastards don't understand what I'm going through - what we're going through. We're just chairs - not human beings. Look, we admit, you're bigger, you're better. But that doesn't mean you can simply stamp, kick, throw us all around for your own pleasure!
So stop being assholes (figuratively) and just...just SIT on us!
Imagine if all these were true.
IT IS!
Alright that's seriously the end lol I'm now a human. If you liked this post, please vote for it at this website Funniest Post Competition
Thank you!
No comments:
Post a Comment