I'm feeling tired and drained. All the piano practises, compositions, and studies have left me emotionally drained, although I can do much more. And yet I am feeling more drained because of the heavy knowledge that someone so close to you can be gone...
I have a thousand and one things on my mind currently, and my head is spinning. I feel emotionless sometimes, and sometimes sad and terrible. There's a bitter heavy feeling in my throat, and my head burns. I was trying not to breakdown in the LRT, but when I got back home it simply flowed out.
It's been 15 years, and these 15 years have mould me into the person I am today - an aspiring musician, a beautiful optimist, and a fervour for life. It's too fast man. It happens to everyone - everyone has to die anyway. And as Norman said, it was only a matter of time. Then I asked again, why does it have to be me? Can't it be someone else?
I've always thought about this day, but I never realised it would be so soon...For those who know me beneath the surface, I'm naturally a realistic person, but I've always thought I could handle this day when it comes. Afterall, everyone faces it, and it was, yes, only a matter of time.
But the thought of it...is too overwhelming and empowering.
I hope you live, mum.
1 comment:
I remember hearing you play in 2005 during the competition and the masterclass, thinking to myself that I would like to hear more from you in future and see whether you would continue the musical journey in the years to come.
I happened to chance upon your blog recently. Just thought that even though you may not know me, remember that you've got to continue being brave for the people whom you love and for the people who love you.
Always remember that no matter what happens, you are not alone.
Do take care.
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