not your fault

I would, as usual, like to always think that I’m the only person of 15 in Singapore or the whole world doing what I’m doing – the same old topic of living two lives at once. And I feel a compulsion to remind my audience time and again that I’m doing!

How discouraged I felt when Mrs. Kuah, my chemistry teacher said, “your life is in a mess. How do you think you can handle all this? Your chemistry is already like that and you still want to do your degree. Think clearly, lah.”

Here’s the night read of the day:

You’re a motorbike champion, winning many prizes every year because of your ability. Finally, when you can turn professional, your seniors encourage you and push you, and say if you don’t get into the professional school they will be very disappointed. Then they taunt you consistently, and you work your ass off. But they still taunt you and no matter how hard you really do it, no matter how well you controlled your engine and maintained your technique, they still say you cannot make it.

Then they threaten to burn your one and only motorbike, and say forget motorbike racing, and they don’t let you practice driving your bike. But you still take the every opportunity to practice, and of course, happy endings, you get into that professional academy. But ho, they say it is luck, and say it’s not because of your abilities, but because of other factors.

Then after getting into the professional academy…oh wait, I forgot. You’re not a 20 year old person, but a 15-year-old adolescent driver. You still have your studies. And wait, you get an average of 4 pieces of homework every day. Or more. (not maybe, but definitely)

And then your seniors leave you in the dump, refusing to take responsibility of getting you into the academy, and comment how poor your studies are and meanwhile asking for the standards of your motorbike driving to improve. Then when you study damn hard and get good results, they say you suck. (although if I were the driver, I will never get good results)

Then when they say at first how going to the academy is your life, and if you don’t make it, you’re dead. After you get in, you screw up your studies, and then you say you want to concentrate on motorbike driving, your seniors tell you to go to hell, and that studies are more important.

What do you do?

Think – what would happen to the driving if you do your studies?

What would happen to your studies if you do your driving?


And it’s not your fault that you cannot quit studying .
And no one has the best of no worlds.

On a more optimistic note, all things do work out in the end, I know from experience. I suppose I may have gone through enough to understand that all things do work out at the end of the day, the only different being time.